Why Connection Matters

Parenthood is a relationship and a strong two-way connection with your teen is essential for its success. How you communicate, interact, discipline, and support your child can nurture their growth or hinder it, impacting their mental health.

Without a strong connection, your well-meaning efforts might not have the impact you're hoping for. It doesn't matter what rules you set, what advice you want to give or how you manage their behaviour; without that connection, your efforts may backfire, leading to exhaustive arguments and conflict. But if you take certain steps, you can build a stronger connection with your teen.

Signs Your Connection Needs Work

How do you know when your relationship with your teen is at risk? Look out for these common signs!

• Does your teen avoid conversations or respond with short, dismissive answers?

• Are arguments becoming heated, frequent, or left unresolved?

• Is your teen distant or closed off emotionally?

• Have you noticed increased defiance or rebellion?

• Does your teen hesitate to confide in you?

• Are they pulling away from doing things as a family or avoiding spending time with you?

If you recognise these signs, here are some ways to rebuild and strengthen your connection.

5 Tips to Strengthen Your Connection

1.Communicate Openly

Make time to talk to your teenager about any problems. By asking unobtrusive questions such as “How was your day?” or “How are you feeling?” you can allow them to share their thoughts and feelings. It is well known that teenagers behave well when you pay attention to them and understand them, so they are more likely to seek your support when they need it.

2. Listen Without Interrupting

When your teenager is talking to you, give them your full attention and do not interrupt. Turn off distractions, maintain eye contact, and listen. Show that you are listening by repeating back what your child has said or acknowledging their concerns. Avoid interjecting with advice unless your child asks for it—they just want to be heard.

3. Acknowledge Their Feelings

Teens have strong emotions and will ignore you if you downplay or dismiss them. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and respond with empathy such as "I can understand why you feel that way" or "It's normal to be disappointed.

4. Show Empathy

Put yourself in your teen's shoes to better understand what they are experiencing. You can say things like, "I remember how nervous I was when I made new friends at your age" or "That must be hard to deal with." By showing that you understand what your child is going through, you can reassure them that they are not alone in their struggles.

5. Respect Their Independence

As difficult as it may be, give your teenager space to develop and make their own decisions, otherwise arguments will happen. Show an interest in what they like to do and resist the urge to control every aspect of their lives. For example, let them decide how they spend their free time or pursue hobbies they are passionate about. A balance between guidance and independence can deepen mutual respect and strengthen your relationship.

Want More Ideas?

Building a connection with your teen is a journey, and you don't have to go it alone. If you found these tips helpful, check out my new book, Parent Smart: 6 Essential Keys to Unlocking Effective Communication With Your Teen. It’s packed with practical tools to help you navigate the ups and downs of parenting through the teen years. Find out more here